the best non-boyfriend

[ current selection | emiliana torrini – unemployed in summertime ]
[ feelin’ | swish ]

thanks to marisol for directing me to this recent article from the washington post…an article about the “boy-friend“. ah, the two magical words that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. the article takes a look at another article that ran in the daily collegian of umass…written by one matt brochu. in it, brochu touched upon the oft-cited, but rarely discussed “friend-crush“. when you (most likely male) start developing feelings for another friend (female…generally). the post article looks at why brochus’ article (which received a staggering amount of feedback) touched a nerve with so many unspoken people, and why exactly guys can fall so hard for another friend.

the reason m pointed this article out to me was because gosh, this is the story of my life. and while its comforting to know that an infinite number of guys out there are sitting in the same boat, i wonder what percentage of them have made it habitual. my problem is that by my inherent nature, i find that attraction stems from getting to know someone…so much in fact that attraction doesnt even surface til i get to know them (and usually unexpectedly). this in and of itself is already the root of a problem…attraction surfacing when its well into the “good friend” realm and a relationships already a dodgy proposition. this of course hasnt stopped me in the past from trying (and failing), and has essentially led me to my present sardonic mentality. ah memories. so i thought id list some of the more notable friends-turned-issues from my past. granted this might be a little awkward for some people who recognize themselves in the story (since im still friends with a number of them), but i think itd be a healthy airing of past circumstances.
*not their real names…dur.

nora | one of my first high school crushes. this was actually a prototypical situation, since i had a crush on her the second i saw her sometime in sophomore year. we became friends, and i continued to crush her…even when she started going out with a buttshroom. i never told her tho…poot.
anna | also known to many as “that second-year girl“. essentially the worst-case scenario because we were best friends…oops. anyone knows that these are usually the ones that can potentially fall the hardest…and it did. it was also decidedly more complex than a simple “lets be friends” situation. well, live and learn right? it was years before i started talking to her again.
lara | you know, its not that im a complete idiot…i do learn from my past mistakes. i swear. so even tho we became friends my third year of college, i tried to find an opportunity to let her know how i felt. but then she headed off to italy for a semester…so i impulsively had roses sent to her in italy for valentines. awkwardness ensues, and i get the “better off as friends” line. ah well, it turns out she was right tho you know. we’re better friends now.
nel | technically, this was a mistake to begin with. all my friends told me so, but did i listen? of course not, im too stupid. i did however tell her how i felt early on, so that was always out in the open. except somehow, in spite of that, the situation still stretched itself out for about half a year til one party (me) got fed up with the open-endedness of it all and walked away from the whole situation, friendship and all.

so whats the conclusion to all this? for fucks sake, who knows? people will always do what they instinctively do, and are hopefully able to control their emotions half the time. alot of people tell me that i should just change my methods. but in the end, even having gone thru all these situations…i dont think it will ever be about whether someone changes their methodology, but more to do with how they deal with it when things dont go their way.

> boy-friend article
> original article by matt brochu